It’s a key question for parents to ask and discuss with their last-stage adolescent (aged 18–23 years) soon to leave their care to operate more independently: “What do you expect now?”

“When I was living at home, my parents decided most of what was wanted and supposed to happen. But, now that I am moving out, setting those expectations is up to me.”

The challenge of this psychological handoff is often unappreciated when the power of expectations is not fully understood.

For the young person, the expectations she or he creates can have a lot of bearing on how smoothly or harshly this transition to functional independence unfolds. Managing so much more freedom takes a lot of getting used to. Having realistic expectations can help ease this adjustment, while unrealistic expectations can make it harder.

So, consider what expectations are, their powerful positive functions, how emotionally costly unrealistic and unmet expectations can be, and what advice parents might helpfully give.

Expectations are ideas that are proactive and adaptive. They are chosen mental sets that help........

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