The Science of Mating

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Gen-Z is less involved in romantic activities than previous generations.

Anxiety undermines the development of relationships.

Online daters face too many choices and not enough (perceived) good ones.

Young men and women are drifting farther and farther apart politically.

With the passing of another Valentine’s Day, a day which, for centuries, has served as an opportunity for couples to celebrate their love, it’s worth reflecting on the state of romantic love in our own age. Even a cursory examination of the state of romance today reveals a bleak picture. Marriage is at, or very near, an all-time low (StatRanker.org, 2025) and loneliness has reached epidemic proportions (Jeste, et al., 2020). Perhaps more disturbing, many young people are eschewing romantic involvement altogether. According to a 2025 poll by Rassmussen, 37% of single adults under 30 in the US report that they are “not interested” in dating at all. It appears that many young Americans have effectively given up on romance.

This begs the question of why so many young people would forego one of the most basic physical, social, and emotional human needs: an intimate relationship with a loving partner. The reasons, as is always the case with human behavior, are varied. Here are a few that may be particularly relevant.

More than anything, those in the Gen-Z generation are known for their high levels of anxiety (Drinko 2024) and for many in this generation, dating does not feel safe. Many of them suffer from extreme social anxiety and often avoid face-to-face, and even phone-to-phone, contact with strangers. This makes approaching potential partners in person difficult. (In addition to fears of rejection, some also voice concern over an in-person rejection being captured and posted online by observers, thus magnifying the humiliating experience.) This type of social anxiety may be why most young people prefer dating apps (Huang & Gong, 2025) but online dating carries its own set of concerns. For example, dating apps are associated with elevated levels of emotional distress and appearance concerns in women (Cela & Wood, 2026). The reality is, no matter how we do it, dating is stressful and always carries the risk of rejection. And because women tend to be more selective than men, and men usually initiate encounters, the risk of rejection is especially high for men. This may explain why there has been a greater decline in the number of men seeking relationships than women during the last few years (Gelles-Watnick, 2022).

In addition to elevated levels of anxiety, members of Gen-X also tend to be perfectionistic (Shafiq, Ali, &, Iqbal, 2024). Within the context of relationships, this means they may be reluctant to “settle” for anyone who is not at least close to their ideal. Furthermore, since most mate selection now occurs through social media apps which allow for the viewing of literally hundreds of potential partners in a single sitting, that ideal is often unrealistically high as people extract the most positive traits from each individual to create a composite “ideal." Although most people tend to view many options as a good thing, research, such as that conducted by psychologist Barry Schwartz, points to the problems with having too many choices (Schwartz, 2000). It can lead to a form of psychological paralysis whereby we become overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices—and, importantly, it may also lead to lower levels of satisfaction than when we have fewer choices. Having many choices means that no matter what (or whom) we choose, we are prone to comparing it, sometimes unfavorably, to what we didn’t choose. Focusing on missed opportunities can, therefore, lead to a form of “buyer’s remorse." This can result in an endless quest for the “perfect” mate, while rejecting many highly eligible suitors whose primary flaw is they fail to match the pursuer's perfect and often completely unrealistic fantasy.

The problems don’t end with the failure to establish new relationships or the failure to maintain current ones. There is also evidence of a growing chasm, and mounting antipathy, between men and women in general. The sexes seem to be growing farther apart and, if social media posts are any indication, there is growing hostility between them. This phenomenon appears to be part of the broader political polarization that has swept the country in recent years. It is no secret that the country is more politically polarized the ever. What is less well known is that males and females increasingly fall on different sides of the political spectrum. In recent years, young males have been drifting to the right while young women have become increasingly progressive (Harvard Youth Poll, 2024). This political divergence is impacting dating behavior. A 2019 study conducted by Pew found that 71% of Democrats stated that they “probably” or “definitely” would not seriously consider a serious relationship with someone who voted for President Trump. Given the growing political divide, this figure is probably even greater today. The echo chamber of social media promotes ever more extreme rhetoric on each side. Women wax about the oppressive patriarchy and the dreadful existence of a traditional housewife while many men are embracing the “tradwife” (traditional housewife) movement and condemning AWFUL (Affluent White Female Urban Liberal) women. Moreover, there is some evidence that the political differences between men and women are most pronounced around gender issues (Off, et al., 2025) which are the issues most likely to directly impact their romantic relationships. It is increasingly difficulty to see how we salvage this thing known as heterosexual romance.

Perhaps the answer doesn’t lie with individuals. The difficulties experienced by young would-be lovers may be a canary in the coal mine, a signal that something has gone deeply awry in our culture. Increased individualism, social isolation, unrealistic expectations, social media algorithms, and affordability concerns have all made dating and marriage feel like a high-cost, low-reward endeavor for Gen-Z. So, our most cautious generation feels well served by that long-held admonishment: “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.”

The Science of Mating

Take our Are You a Good First Date?

Find a therapist near me

Cela, H. & Wood, G. (2026). The Mental Health and Well-Being Outcomes of Swiping-Based Dating App Use: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Research Square, 1-22, DOI: doi.org/10.21203/rs.3.rs-8414384/v1

Curran, Thomas and Hill, Andrew P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145 (4), 410-429.

Drinko, C. (2024). What can Gen Z do about skyrocketing anxiety? Psychology Today. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202401/what-can gen-z-do-about-skyrocketing-anxiety.

Gelles-Watnick, R. (2023, February, 8). For Valentine’s Day, 5 facts about single Americans. Pew Research Center.

Harvard Youth Poll (2024, 48th Edition, Fall).

Huang, Y. T., & Gong, A. D. (2025). Too vulnerable to resist: Problematic use of dating apps associated with social appearance anxiety, social interaction anxiety, and rejection sensitivity. Computers in Human Behavior, 165, 108566.

Jeste DV, Lee EE, Cacioppo S. (2020). Battling the Modern Behavioral Epidemic of Loneliness: Suggestions for Research and Interventions. JAMA Psychiatry, 77(6, .553-554. doi: 10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2020.0027

Off, G., Alexander, A., & Charron, N. (2025). Is there a gender youth gap in far-right voting and cultural attitudes?. European Journal of Politics and Gender (published online ahead of print 2025). Retrieved Feb 21, 2026, fromdoi.org/10.1332/25151088Y2025D000000077

Rassmussen Reports. (2025, June 6). Dating? 37% of Young Singles Aren’t Interested.

Schwartz, B. (2000). Self-determination: The tyranny of freedom. American Psychologist, 55(1), 79–88. doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.79

Shafiq, B., Ali, A., Iqbal, H. (2024). Perfectionism, mattering and loneliness in young adulthood of Generation-Z. Heliyon, 10 (1), e23330, ISSN 2405-8440, doi.org/10.1016/j.heliyon.2023.e23330.

StatRanker.org, (2025, April 30) Marriage Rates Decline: Why Millennials and Gen Z Are Marrying Less

Twenge, J. (2024, July 31). The political gender gap: Is it real? Why young men are trending right and young women are trending left, including in voting. generationtechblog.com/p/the-political-gender-gap-is-it-real

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