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How do we make the Tony Awards great again? Maybe start with the host

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Tonys emcees pretty vacant

So now it’s summertime and the TV is easy. And every out-of-work butcher, baker and unemployed bra-maker is an authority. Like particularly on the — ugh! — Tonys.

One out-of-work lighting expert who never earned enough to cheat on income tax solved the problem of TV’s ratings war. He said: “CBS? Cancel all commercials. And feature open, like really open, discussions on sex.”

Explained is that this would panic the FCC. “Then that’s their problem,” he said.

Amateurs are the professional pests of the professionals. Our vocation is their avocation.

People who can’t decide to knock or go for gin without a Ouija board issue decisions on everything artistic. Geniuses at the bottom of everything except their unemployment line forward suggestions — to beings so elevated in the theatrical stratosphere that they wear oxygen masks to write the drivel the Tonys preshow burbles.

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