Three dozen horses, 28 Abrams tanks, 6,700 soldiers, and millions of taxpayer dollars later, and Donald Trump’s military birthday parade was still a flop at best. 

A crowd that was well under the administration’s projected 200,000 peppered the National Mall Saturday in a festival style event featuring Army info sessions, military fitness challenges, weapons exhibits, and other activities prior to the parade on Saturday. Military members spoke on stage the entire time to a sparse audience, as most of the attendees perused the various offerings, hoisting their children up into the massive tanks and turrets sitting on the mall for pictures. 

There was a sense of giddy satisfaction in the air as the parade’s 6:00 p.m. start time approached. It was the same feeling I noticed during inauguration weekend: A crowd that felt victorious  and vindicated, and knew it was among friends. People rushed to the front of the route as the parade began and expressed genuine awe and joy as Blackhawk helicopters, Howitzers, and other heavy duty war machinery trudged down Constitution Avenue. 

But the parade itself was quite boring, save for those few movements. It was generally very quiet—so quiet you could clearly hear the creaks and squeaks of the armored vehicles—with intermittent music that was constantly being lowered so that the parade narrator could announce each battalion. Weak chants of “USA, USA” popped up every 10 minutes or so. And the majority of the parade was just soldiers walking by—not even marching in step with each other—in military garb from wars past. Children grew weary in the humidity,  as did some adults. One man wearing an Inforwars.com shirt kept yelling “bring out the tanks!!” and complained that “people got no energy out here.” Another started scrolling on TikTok. There were large cheers for West Point and some confused murmurs for the Boston Dynamics robot dogs. 

The event didn’t truly begin to feel electric until the parade ended and Trump and JD Vance spoke. Crowds of people hurried to the other side of the mall to catch just a glimpse of Trump as he spoke behind a humongous piece of glass hundreds of yards away for about seven minutes. The finale featured massive fireworks and more music, as people linked arms and swayed while they sang “I’m Proud to Be an American.” 

“No exaggeration.... This is the most patriotic I’ve ever seen America,” said Malik Meeks, a 20-year-old man who stood alone screaming “AMERICAAA” into the night sky while the fireworks went off. He is currently attempting to join the Air Force. 

Many of the attendees felt that this parade was........

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