The selfie that the author took and shared on Facebook before her date with Jordan.

My first date with Jordan was moving along seamlessly when out of nowhere he made a strange joke about my appearance.

“Wow, good thing you don’t have anything in your teeth,” he said while I was busy laughing, “because your teeth stick out so much it’s like, ‘Whoa.’”

He imitated what I apparently looked like — something between a piranha and a chipmunk. For most people, this might not have been a big deal. But for me — someone with a long history of body dysmorphic disorder, this was devastating.

I met Jordan on a dating site my daughter had encouraged me to check out not long after she’d left for college. She messaged me one afternoon with concern.

“I’m seeing a lot of selfies of you with the cats,” she said. “What’s going on? Are you getting out with your friends and meeting new people?” On her next visit home, she helped me set up a profile on a dating app.

Jordan’s profile pictures revealed a handsome man with deep hazel eyes and a full dark moustache and goatee. He was divorced and now living in Madison, Wisconsin, when he popped into my queue of potential dates after he, too, swiped right on my profile. We messaged for a few days and then made plans to meet at a popular bar-restaurant on Madison’s west side.

I had no sooner agreed to the date than my anxiety kicked in and I began obsessing over my appearance. Dating with body dysmorphic disorder had always been excruciating.

Defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) falls under the category of an obsessive-compulsive disorder, specifically a preoccupation with one or more perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance that are not observable or appear slight to others. It’s estimated that in the United States, 5 million to 10 million people suffer from this disorder. My BDD revolves around my face, specifically my nose, jaw and teeth. Like other mental illnesses, BDD varies in its severity, affecting everyone differently. Left untreated, it can lead to devastating effects, including anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.

Though my obsession with my facial defects never ceases to exist completely, it had been at a minimum for the few months preceding my date, giving me enough confidence to say yes to Jordan. In fact, as I got ready to go out, I found myself unexpectedly excited as I dug out my high-waisted black........

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