The 'power struggle" phase might catch you by surprise if you've never seen it before.

At their best, romantic relationships are joyous and fulfilling, a safe place to land, a partnership through the good and bad.

Getting to that point, though, takes two people willing to confront their unhealthy patterns, unspoken expectations and communication shortcomings…

All of this is to be expected, except a lot of us still don’t expect it because we hardly ever get to see the difficulties of relationships reflected back to us (either due to the glossy narratives in popular media or the stigma around discussing them IRL with our friends and families).

If we never see the messy middle, it’s no wonder so many of us freak out when the honeymoon phase ends in a relationship and it feels like all we do is fight, or feel distraught when icky feelings like disappointment or resentment pop up.

But you can stay calm, because the period that comes after the all-consuming infatuation of the honeymoon phase is commonly known as the “power struggle” phase – and it basically happens in every romantic relationship (albeit to varying degrees).

What is the ‘power struggle’ phase in relationships?

Because few people outside of relationship therapy circles have heard about the power struggle phase, let’s define it.

“The power struggle phase is when your relationship stops being a romantic comedy and starts being real life,” Sabrina Zohar, a dating coach and podcaster tells HuffPost.

“It’s that jarring moment when you realise the person you fell in love with is actually a complex human being with their own opinions, habits and ways of doing things – and not all of them align with yours.”

Depending on your conflict style, you might argue at this stage, or one of you might withdraw and start to think about your partner in a negative light. Whether you’re facing a surface issue or something more profound, Reesa Morala, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, explains that at this point, you’re consciously or subconsciously asking yourself either, “Can I live with this forever?” which is really asking whether you’re willing to change, or, “Can I get them to do what I want?” which is asking if they’ll be willing to change.

When (and why) does the power struggle start?

The power struggle phase usually comes on between roughly six months to two years, but it varies from couple to couple. This stage is a normal, even necessary, rite of passage on the path to deeper intimacy, but it can feel really scary when you’re in the thick of it.

Many couples break up at this stage, because the power struggle can feel so painful, and most of us have so few healthy examples of couples overcoming their power struggle.

So why does this happen? And can you opt out?

“The romantic stage was needed to get us in the door, otherwise no one would ever commit,” Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC, a relationship therapist and founder of The Marriage Restoration Project tells HuffPost.

“The power struggle is when couples feel disillusioned about their choice of partner. This is where couples........

© HuffPost