When do green flag romantic gestures cross the line into something more harmful?

The “princess treatment” TikTok dating trend has been making the rounds for the past year or so. It’s mostly been pretty harmless, consisting of women showing off the romantic things their partners do for them — buying them flowers, surprising them with a home-cooked meal or giving them their jacket when they’re cold.

Recently, though, one creator has been making a lot of noise online with her incredibly divisive videos about her specific version of the princess treatment. Courtney Palmer, who goes by @courtney_joelle on TikTok, has become known as “the princess treatment lady” in various (derogatory) comments and stitch responses to her original posts.

Though Palmer has been posting about the “princess treatment” for months, she went viral more recently for two specific videos — one where she shares she doesn’t tie her own shoelaces and waits for her husband to do so, and one where she explains that she doesn’t speak to waitstaff when she’s at a restaurant with her husband. All of this, Palmer claims, is done in an attempt to be more “feminine” and let her husband be more “masculine” by contrast.

Predictably, the internet has had a strong reaction to Palmer’s claims: “It’s giving cult or hostage situation,” one user commented on her restaurant video. “Refusing to speak to, look at or aknowledge [sic] the hostess, server & others you encounter is just plain rude,” wrote someone else. “Do you bring home a take out box for Offred?” asked a third person, referencing The Handmaid’s Tale.

Still, based on the number of likes her videos get, and the earnest questions she receives from followers, it’s clear not everyone is here to hate-watch. The tradwife aesthetic Palmer is promoting has been attracting more and more women lately — you just have to look at the success of creators like Nara Smith and Hannah Neeleman to see how a pared-back life and extra-entrenched gender roles have become aspirational online.

Bringing Back Chivalry — Or Rebranding Aspirational Helplessness?

While there’s nothing wrong with a woman staying at home should she choose (and have the resources) to do so, trends like the tradwife or princess treatment ones can quickly turn into something darker — just like the #girlboss trend did before them.

“Right off the bat, I can see how the idea of ‘princess treatment’ could appeal to women who want their male partners to be more romantic and take more initiative in making them feel special — in other words, traditional courtship,” Genesis Games, LMHC, a therapist, relationship expert, and founder of Healing Connections said. “There’s a difference, though, between clearly expressing reasonable expectations — like asking your partner to make dinner reservations, bring you flowers once a week or open doors for you — and completely making yourself small and helpless in your........

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