You Might Be ‘The Crisis Friend’ – Here’s How To Tell

“Being needed is the most socially acceptable addiction nobody talks about.”

There’s a particular kind of friend everyone wants to have when their life is seemingly falling apart. You know the one. Calm, dependable, gives the best advice. The person who will answer your text message at midnight and know exactly what to say.

It might feel good to be that friend: the one that everyone goes to when they need support. If that sounds familiar, you might be what mental health professionals call “the crisis friend” – the person others turn to for emotional support, reassurance and problem-solving during their worst moments, but who may hear much less from them when life is just boring and ordinary.

“In essence, a ‘crisis friend’ is an individual who people will typically go to in times of extreme loss or disarray, but do not usually reach out when things are going well,” said Jonathan Goelz, a licensed clinical social worker.

“You’ll often find that some friends will only contact you during divorce situations, family crises, relapse periods, job failures, or emotional meltdowns, and then after the initial shock has dissipated they will simply lose interest.”

Being the person people turn to in a crisis isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The problem is when the crisis becomes the primary – or only – way the friendship exists.

“While being dependable is not inherently a negative trait, the primary issue with a ‘crisis’ friend is that the relationship will primarily be based upon the need for one party to get rescued, and the ability of the other party to provide that rescue,” Goelz said.

If you suspect you might be the crisis friend, here are some ways to tell and what to do.

How do you know if you’re the crisis friend?

One of the biggest clues is what you know about your friends – and what you don’t know.

Giulia P. Davis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said she’s seen how easily someone can become the “go-to” person without realising a friendship has become one-sided.

“One indicator is what is missing,” she said. “You are aware of their family issues, work issues,........

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