The conversation between the world’s most narcissistic leader, Donald Trump and its most craven, John Swinney could be entertaining.

“I gotta tell you, John: we weren’t too happy with what you said about my very great meeting with Zelenskyy in the White House.”

“Och, Your Excellency; I was badly advised. Zelenskyy is a wee toerag. I’ve always thought that.”

“Well, okay John, but maybe you oughta run these things past JD before you open your mouth.”

“Mr Excellency, you must have read my mind.”

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“And John, I hear you’re keeping the Turkish economy afloat by sub-contracting your shipbuilding industry to them; so, so moral.”

“Thank you Mr President.”

“But this is a bad idea, John. You never know what devices the Turks will put in those boats.”

“Can we talk about Gaza, Mr President?”

“Sure John. We’re gonna build a massive hotel there: big, big golf resort. Hamas and the IDF are gonna be equal partners. Even the Ayatollahs are interested.”

“Maybe our R&A could help you design the course, Mr President. They’ve got a lot of experience with sand dunes.”

“I like it, John. Hey JD: John just told a joke; let’s see if we can get it into the State of the Nation.

“Well, John; it’s been nice meeting you. Me and Ursula have lots to talk about. Wasn’t she great in Dr No? So sexy. We’ll tell you when it’s time to get our coats.

“Ursula; meet John. He’s gonna help design my new Gaza Links golf course.

“And John, I hear you’re doing a great job keeping the nuclear........

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