There is no doubt about it – we are missing a trick. A nation drowning in language, idioms and collocations shouldn't have to rely on Americans on social media or visitors to our shores revelling in our uniquely Scottish lexicon. We should have our own award ceremony to celebrate the linguistic brilliance of the nation.

I can see it now – an annual shindig – celebrating (and hopefully deriding too) the evolution, use and misuse of our language, doling out pieces of parchment cast in garish and oddly-shaped resin as prizes. These would proudly sit in an office display cabinet, or for individual winners, to be dug out only when boring the grandkids with tales of their 15 minutes of fame.

The much-admired Plain English Campaign has been fighting the good fight for over 40 years now – and I can only imagine it is busier than ever amid today's expanding lexicon of babble and corporate crud. I've always had something of a soft spot for the organisation. Way back in 2009, the Scottish Police Federation was commended for our campaign against plodleydegook – the uncontrollable march of incoherent police jargon – at what I’m not afraid to admit was a raucously enjoyable bash: the Campaign’s deliciously titled Golden Bull Awards in London.

The Campaign is both serious and light-hearted. It celebrates clarity of language as much as it ridicules the impenetrable. Plain, simple English, it argues, is essential in the communications of officialdom with the public, whilst incoherent gibberish puts up barriers and diminishes transparency and confidence. Well, quite!

Its kick in the pants, foot in the mouth, and Golden Bull awards cheekily but affectionately highlight individual and organisational detachment from the........

© Herald Scotland