If, like me, you are a bit too young to remember the 1976 Bicentennial, you probably haven’t spent much time worrying about the awkwardly named Semiquincentennial, better known as America’s 250th birthday. Until this week my knowledge of what these celebrations entail was limited to occasionally finding quarters featuring that colonial drummer guy and this joke from The Simpsons:

But with the countdown to America’s 250th officially kicking off on Thursday night, when President Donald Trump gives a speech at the Iowa State Fairgrounds, I decided it was time to vet this event for inclusion on my long list of things to worry about in the second Trump administration.

When the federal government began planning this yearlong celebration back in 2016, it was meant to be apolitical; President Barack Obama signed legislation establishing a bipartisan America 250 Commission. But now there’s one big question looming over the July 4, 2026, anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence: Exactly how Trumpy will this party be?

A slew of recent headlines suggest the celebration won’t be “lifting spirits” nationwide. “Fox News Vets Are Taking Over America’s 250th Birthday Party,” warns The Atlantic. “Trump Puts MAGA Spin on Plans for America’s 250th Birthday Bash,” reports The Wall Street Journal. “Will Politics Derail America’s 250th Birthday Bash?” muses the New York Times.

I braced myself for the worst: mandatory Trump rallies, gilded tanks rolling through cities, a MAGA hat in every mailbox. But the events announced so far don’t sound that concerning. Here’s a

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