We, as a nation, have a serious problem. Ever-more devastating mass shootings are occurring with increasing frequency, and yet our elected officials' only response is to offer their "thoughts and prayers." Of course, "thoughts and prayers" is a sentiment optimal in its saccharine sweetness, cheap religiosity and avoidance of responsibility. As such, it definitely qualifies as an A-list platitude.

But frequent repetition has caused this tried-and-true phrase to lose even the modest punch it once possessed. If the president and our elected representatives refuse to implement practical measures to curb gun violence, it is incumbent upon us as responsible citizens to at least help them come up with new platitudes to mouth after the next mass shooting. Here then, are some useful alternatives. We call these the B-platitudes:

1. "It was part of God's plan."

This one is almost better than thoughts and prayers. If everything is going according to plan, why bother doing anything? So we play the cosmic fatalism card with a silver lining. I mean, who's going to question God's wisdom, right? Another effective dollop of pablum is "When God closes a door, he opens a window." Weaker, but still useful, versions of the same sentiment (minus the deity) include: "It was meant to be," and "Que sera, sera!"

2. "God never gives us more than we can bear."

Not as upbeat as our first choice, but it still has "God" in it, so it can't be easily........

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