A toddler got on a 10.30pm flight. You’ll never guess what happened next

August 14, 2026 — 1:30pm

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Occasionally you come across parents whose life decisions are so unambiguously stupid that you feel like hacking out your own fallopian tubes and using them to choke yourself into blissful unconsciousness. Regrettably I flogged mine on the Dark Web after the birth of my fourth child, but I promise you, the urge is still strong.

Anything – and I do mean anything – to separate myself from the pair of breeder imbeciles who determined last week that the best use of their time was to board a plane in Canada with their (allegedly) uncontrollable toddler, who in turn refused to sit in a chair and allow his or her seatbelt to be fastened before take-off. The entire flight, a red eye, was cancelled as a result.

Trigger alert: what I’m about to say involves a spirited defence of a budget airline. Don’t worry, the warning is for me, not you. I swore after Jetstar announced last week’s new raft of passenger baggage charges that I’d drink acid before I said a kind word about it or operators of its ilk. #bottomsup.

Anyway, back to Porter Airlines, and the incident in question, which happened on August 6, on a flight that was scheduled to leave the Canadian city........

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