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4 Arguments That Can Predict Divorce, According to a Relationship Expert

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling can turn everyday disagreements into patterns that slowly erode a relationship.

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There are many reasons couples end up divorced, from lost feelings and growing apart to neglect and betrayal. However, according to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, there’s a specific arguing pattern and set of behaviors that can spiral even the healthiest of couples toward separation. 

Referred to as The Four Horsemen, this metaphor (stemming from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the New Testament: conquest, war, hunger, and death) describes four unhealthy communication styles: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These toxic behaviors can lead to deep relationship problems and, eventually, divorce.

“The ‘Four Horsemen’ idea was developed by John Gottman’s research about how people interact in their romantic relationships,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, Licensed Psychologist, Element Q Healing. “What makes this model so valuable is that it points out that fighting itself isn’t what causes a relationship to........

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