Oh, they laughed when I lined the backyard with kiddie pools and filled each one with gasoline and covered them all with evaporation lids. And they mocked me when I built an above-ground structure to house even more kiddie pools filled with gasoline.

“What the heck is Huppke thinking?” they said. “Didn’t he hear President Donald Trump bragging about gas being less than $2 per gallon back in February?”

Oh, I heard it, all right. In fact, I voted for Trump because I believed he would bring gas prices down. But, because I’m smart and have studied “The Art of the Deal,” I knew the president would first bring prices down, then start an unprovoked war with Iran in an effort to patriotically distract from the Jeffrey Epstein files, sending gas prices soaring.

The gas I hoarded in my backyard will now be sold at a discount

That was the plan all along, his means of ushering in a "golden age" for........

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