Rolling Stone magazine once quipped that grunge was what happened when the children of divorce got guitars in their hands. If you take this theory and tweak it, then one can reasonably conclude that Oasis is what happens when children who grow up in a house devoid of books decide to form a band. The bilge that’s been written about Britpop and the wallowing in 1990s nostalgia since the Gallagher brothers announced their reunion tour last year (it kicks off in Cardiff this Friday) is approaching fever pitch. Tatler even has one of Liam’s children on its cover.

You may have gleaned by now that I am not a fan. In fact, I’ve got Crosby, Stills & Nash on in the background to self-soothe while I write about the rising collective hysteria over perhaps the most average lead guitarist in history and a frontman whose greatest achievement is stretching the word ‘sunshine’ out to 27 syllables. Here’s a selection of the more daft, breathless and downright banal headlines from the past week: ‘Oasis mural made of bucket hats unveiled ahead of gigs’; ‘Mad for it! More tickets on the way for Edinburgh Oasis gigs’; ‘Principality Stadium confirms roof decision for Oasis Live 2025’; ‘Late-night trams will run for Oasis Heaton Park shows: all you need to know’.

Had, say, Led Zeppelin reformed – sadly about as likely as Liam displaying an iota of humility – I could understand the excitement. Ticketmaster could have done its worst with dynamic pricing and I would have spanked any money on a credit card to see them.........

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