Perhaps, almost seven years later, there are aspects of the Covid lockdown some are nostalgic about, but it’s doubtful the great loo-roll hoarding of 2020 is one of them. And yet, here we appear to be again. Well, nearly.

Some shops sold out of baked beans and water this week, after government advice that we should stockpile supplies to prepare for emergencies “ranging from severe weather to cyber-attacks”. We must Be Ready – which is the name of the campaign that has launched. Security minister Dan Jarvis said that “those who can follow this advice should follow this advice”.

So, what’s your prepper style? Panic? Denial? Ambivalence? I’ve been asking everyone I come into contact with since the news of Be Ready broke. Their reaction to it has, each time, confirmed everything I already knew about who they were.

I’ve been mass interrogating because my prepper style is anxiety-tinged delusion. I’m nervous, but if enough people roll their eyes while saying the government is merely being dramatic, I will be completely reassured and unquestioningly believe them – ill-informed, both generally and precisely, members of the........

© The Guardian