Despite media stories occasionally highlighting high-profile family estrangements, in many cultures estrangement carries a stigma, a direct challenge to deeply held values about what family should be.

People estranged from families often feel shame or a sense they’ve failed, and carry the distress silently, in private. However, research on estrangement suggests it’s far more common than most people think.

Dillip* is refusing to speak to his brother after a difficult family reunion when his parents visited from India. After his brother’s drunken request for money from the parents and a full-blown shouting match, Dillip still felt his fury. He didn’t want mediation, but his wife and his brother’s wife had insisted.

Marina* is contemplating stopping speaking with her father following years of strained communication and long absences. “I really want nothing to do with him. He only contacts me when he wants something, and I’m worn out by it.”

Todd* has come to the painful decision to cut off all contact with his youngest daughter after many failed attempts to help her kick a drug addiction. His distress became too much after years of her asking him for money, outright stealing, calls from the police for him to come and get her, and his many futile attempts to get her to rehab. “I’m choosing not to see her, speak to her or respond if she is in trouble again. I........

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