“I have some news,” my best friend announced, midway through our usual catch-up call. “I’m pregnant. We weren’t trying, but I must’ve ovulated early.”

Two months later, I received the same call from another close friend. Both were spontaneous pregnancies with their second child at 36. I’d become accustomed to these announcements, yet each had its own special sting.

Amanda Smith (right) and her wife.

“It just happened” isn’t in my queer vocabulary.

It’s important to drop all timelines and comparisons because the markers of success in adulthood – house, marriage, kids – don’t come as easy for queer folks. While LGBTQ visibility, social acceptance and reproductive technology are better than ever, there’s more to equality than rights and representation. There’s a hidden “tax” to consider.

Australian women still earn 78¢ on average for every $1 earned by men. That’s a $28,425 deficit per year for lesbian households. Same-sex people face significant out-of-pocket costs to build their families, such as IVF, donor sperm, surrogacy and adoption.

Queer folks tend to end up in bigger cities (with higher costs of living) searching for freedom, chosen family and a community that embraces love of all stripes – but that makes saving or entering the property market harder, even on a higher income. Buying a house isn’t........

© The Age