Few experiences are more emotionally and psychologically taxing than feeling that you don’t matter.

You might sense it when you’re talked over in a meeting, when no one asks for your opinion, when you work hard, but your efforts aren’t acknowledged, when your teenage child no longer wants to spend time with you, or upon retirement, when that inevitable question sneaks in: Does anyone need me?

What makes these experiences so intense is that they trigger something deeper than disappointment or hurt. From birth, we’re wired to become important to other people. You wouldn’t be reading these words right now if you hadn’t, at some point, been important enough to another person that they kept you alive. To matter is a survival instinct.

As we age, that instinct to matter evolves into a fundamental psychological need: to be paid attention to and know that we contribute to and are needed by others.

When this need is met, we experience what psychologists call mattering. Mattering is linked to increased motivation, well-being, and a lower risk of mental health struggles. But when we feel that we don’t matter, we withdraw, lose energy, are more susceptible to stress, and react more sharply to everyday challenges.

If you’re feeling this stress of insignificance, you’re not alone. Surveys show that nearly 30% of people feel

© Psychology Today