How to Handle Bullying

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Stay calm and focus on behavior, not labeling your child.

Ask questions to understand what happened and why.

Teach empathy and explain the real impact of online words.

Set clear expectations for respectful gaming conduct.

Video games are a major part of many children's lives, offering opportunities to build problem-solving skills, foster creativity, strengthen hand-eye coordination and connect socially with peers. In many cases, gaming can promote teamwork, critical thinking and even emotional resilience. When played responsibly, it can serve as a healthy and enriching activity.

However, like any social environment, whether in-person or online, gaming platforms can also expose children to difficult situations, including conflicts, exclusion and occasionally bullying behavior. Importantly, research has shown that while concerns about gaming as a cause of aggression are often discussed, the relationship is complex. Studies such as those by Ferguson et al. suggest that video gaming does not inherently cause aggressive behavior, and many young people engage in gaming without negative consequences.

Still, parents may occasionally confront a challenging situation: discovering that their own child has engaged in bullying behavior while gaming. Unlike physical bullying, online bullying can be harder to detect, often occurring when adults are not present. Understanding how to approach and address this situation is key to helping children learn from their mistakes and develop healthier interactions online.

Recognizing Bullying Behavior in Gaming Contexts

Not every disagreement or competitive moment in gaming constitutes bullying. However, certain patterns may raise concern: excluding others from online groups, using inappropriate or hostile language, creating multiple online identities to mask behavior, or hiding screens quickly when approached.

Because many online gaming environments are fast-paced and sometimes reward competitive banter, some children may not fully grasp when teasing crosses into harmful behavior. Others may imitate what they see modeled by peers or influencers, seek social validation, or act out due to their own experiences of being targeted by bullying.

Approaching the Issue Constructively

If you suspect your child may be engaging in bullying, the most effective first step is to approach the situation calmly. Avoid assigning labels to your child, like “you are a bully,” and, instead, focus on the specific behaviors and the importance of empathy and respectful communication. Children and teens are still developing emotional regulation and social awareness, and moments like these can serve as teachable opportunities.

Open communication is critical. Ask questions to understand your child’s perspective and motivations. Were they responding to peer pressure? Did they believe their actions were harmless? Are they replicating behaviors they’ve observed online? These insights can help guide the conversation toward meaningful solutions.

How to Handle Bullying

Take our How Well Do You Understand Bullying?

Find a therapist to support kids or teens

Teaching Digital Citizenship and Empathy

Rather than relying solely on punishment, use this as a chance to teach empathy and personal responsibility. Help your child understand the emotional impact that online behavior can have on others. Discuss how words and actions in a virtual world still affect real people.

For younger children, simple measures like disabling chat features, supervising gameplay in shared spaces, and setting clear expectations can encourage better online habits. Older children may benefit from open conversations about peer dynamics, structured consequences for inappropriate behavior, and transparent use of monitoring tools to reinforce accountability while maintaining trust.

Focusing on Growth and Accountability

The ultimate goal isn’t simply to stop negative behavior; it is to ensure your child learns and grows from the experience. Children should feel safe coming to you with problems or mistakes, knowing that you are there to guide, not just to punish.

With ongoing support and patience, children can develop into thoughtful digital citizens who enjoy the many benefits of gaming while treating others with respect, both online and offline.

© Psychology Today