To Raise Empathetic Children, Lead By Example
Many parents see the task of parenting as transforming a crying, hungry, wild little child into a civilized being—like them, of course. Actually, the exact opposite is true.
Much recent research is finding that children start life with a sort of nobility of soul and spirit. Sadly, before long, their well of loving-kindness tends to be gradually poisoned by their caregivers. How does this happen, and what can we do to nurture rather than destroy the inherently good nature of children?
Before we look at some of these recent studies, let’s get our terms straight. The word altruism refers to behaviour that is voluntary and intended to benefit others, be they animal or man, even at the risk of harming oneself. A fundamental motivating force of altruism is empathy.
Empathy is the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling; sympathy stems in part from our relief in not having the same problems. Empathy and compassion are part of the same perception and response continuum that moves human beings from observation to action.
We have known for a long time that babies cry when they hear other babies cry, and once they have enough physical competence, they soothe others in distress. Harriet Rheingold was the first to describe how infants at 18 months of age spontaneously pitched in to help with a variety of household chores.
The research on infants’ helping behaviour was then revitalized about 15 years ago through the seminal works of Warneken and Tomasello, who found that some infants as young as 14 months pass objects to another individual when this individual reaches out for an object unsuccessfully. For example, they helped when the experimenter reached out for a clothespin that dropped on the ground.
From around 18 months,........
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