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One day, when she observed Narcissus wandering in the pathless woods, she loved him and she followed him… Oh, how she longed to make her passion known! —(Ovid, The Metamorphosis)

This passage from the Greek myth of Narcissus presents the question: how do we see the other if we do not see ourselves? These ancient stories are still relevant as they reveal the archetypal patterns of human beings. The characters portrayed are timeless, and their struggles and challenges are ones we can identify with. Just think of the narcissists you know and reflect on how hard it is to be close or to feel known and valued by them.

Narcissus and Echo are the primary characters in the classic Greek tragedy enacting this issue. They have relevance due to the increase in narcissism with its singularity, isolation, and inability to be intimate. The themes of the Greek myth illustrate one-sided love turning to psychological and physiological deterioration, and death. These mythological figures demonstrate parts of the personality applicable beyond the strictures of gender and binary thinking. Echo and Narcissus each represent loss of love and lack of connection to oneself and others. This is part of what obstructs the process of love in modern relationships.

In the myth, typical of narcissists, Narcissus was preoccupied with himself, while Echo was preoccupied with him. Echo desired to be loved, to feel lovable, and to be special. We can conjecture there was a void in Echo’s life, as she continued echoing her relational needs, although they were not received. We all want to be seen, and our love reflected and reciprocated. A problem for narcissists is that they have a difficult time doing this, although they also desire love.

The words of Helene Cixous, a French writer and feminist, can be applied to Echo. “She approaches, not to do away with the space between, but to see it, to experience what she is not, what she is, what she can be” (Sellers, S. ed., 1994, p. 43).

The figure of Echo challenges Narcissus as she calls out her passions and desires for attention. Echo is like the partners of narcissists today. Narcissus flees from her and says, “May I die before I give you power over me.” Echo replies, “give you power over me.” He spurns her, yet she continues to verbalize the hunger and hope of love and attention, waiting to give back his words, used for expressing her love to him. Her echoes declare desire and needs, and reverberates throughout the myth. Sadly, they prove impossible to realize.

Echo expresses longing for life, love, and the value of relationships. She reaches out to expand the singular existence Narcissus insists upon , as he only wants to be with the image he does not recognize as himself.

Martha Nussbaum, an American philosopher, stated, “Finding and sharing the words is a matter of finding the…certain truths about human life” (Nussbaum, 1990, p. 5). Echo’s language is illustrated in the choice and tone of her words, revealing her desires. This sounds like the frustration of those in love with current-day narcissists. Echo’s words are reminiscent of the ways many are shunned and slighted by the self-involvement and lack of attention from narcissists.

At the beginning of the myth, Narcissus’ mother was told by the blind seer, Tiresias, "If he but fail to recognize himself, a long life he may have." One might argue that having never known adequate mirroring with a river for a father and a nymph for a mother and no modeling of a relationship, Narcissus lacked the experience of solid attachment. His mirror only contained himself, but this he did not recognize.

What Echo wanted ended up bringing harm to herself, and her love remained unrequited. Yet Echo reveals the urge for life and the natural need to connect with another. She found creative ways to express this through the words of Narcissus, and her echo repeated them as she attempted connection. Her passion and feelings were ignored by Narcissus, whose passion and feelings remained singular and only for himself.

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Echo’s identity is characterized by a desire to be seen and a clever use of repetition to seek recognition. This can occur with those narcissists to whom we appeal but get no response, remain unseen, and without love. The actions and speech we cannot stop and keep repeating indicate our emotional needs for love and an intimate relationship.

Narcissus, looking at his image, notices it has no response he can hear: “and, as much as I can guess by the movements of your beautiful mouth, you tell me words that do not reach my ears’’ (Ovid, 1983, p. 60). Narcissus, like many narcissists, seems oblivious to anyone else. These words demonstrate how difficult it is for narcissists to hear others and how difficult it is for those trying to relate to them.

The story is sad, but from it, we can gain understanding about the vulnerability of narcissists and of those who seek their company. However, Narcissus does not see himself nor reflect, lacking the ability to do either. Echo brings to our attention, in one way or another, the imperative to listen to ourselves.

In our modern world, there are many ways to approach personality growth with self and others. This parallels what occurs in the analytical/psychological treatment process. The encounter with the other, in any relationship, is crucial for overcoming defenses and breaking into the narcissistic isolation. If open to the knowledge of others, the narcissist and being with a narcissist is not mere pathology or the impossible, but has meaning and fulfillment.

If you listen to the isolation and lack of self-knowledge of Narcissus and the sad wasting away of the body of Echo, you can take from this myth some concepts for reflection. Examine what you are getting with a narcissist, can they learn to give, and is their love possible? As Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist of the twentieth century, commented, “Individuation does not shut one out from the world, but gathers the world to oneself" (1960/1969, para. 432).

Jung, C. G. (1975). Symbols of Transformation Collected Works 5. Princeton University Press.

Jung, C.G. (1960/1969). Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche Collected Works 8. Princeton University Press.

Nussbaum, M. (1990). Love’s Knowledge. Oxford University Press.

Ovid. (1983). Metamorphosis. Indiana University Press.

Sellers, S. (ed). (1994). Helene Cixous Reader. Routledge.

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