Being widowed requires figuring out who you are in a changed life.

Being suddenly single feels vulnerable.

Even in ways life looks almost the same, it's different.

Not that I ever gave any thought to being widowed before it happened, but if I had, I probably would not have understood to what extent it would involve figuring out who I am.

I still don’t know how to be out in this world without the cloak of marriage between me and me.

I’m just kind of stumbling around, figuring out what I do because it’s what we did and what we did because it was what I liked to do. What to keep from my past life, what to let go, what to add. I can’t be the person I was before Tom because that person was in her 20s. I’ve only ever been an adult side-by-side with Tom. Now, suddenly, I’m figuring out what I like to eat. (Back in the day it was bacon cheeseburgers all the time. Not so much now.) Where I like to go. Who I like to hang out with. What I want to watch or listen to. Music was life for Tom, so that's what we listened to any time the TV wasn't on. He was in charge of choosing, always respectful of where our tastes differed. Now I feel disloyal on the days I listen to talk radio instead.

Weirdest of all, I’m single. Do I want to........

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