Who actually wants to work on a marriage after a full day of… work?

I don’t. And that’s exactly why I stopped.

Rewind the clock 15 years. When an event planner gave us a truly ridiculous quote for a small wedding, my partner and I booked a flight to Las Vegas the very next day. We were married before noon at the Little Chapel of Flowers. No drama. No chair covers. Just vows and relief. It was a very good day.

I’m a romantic, but I’m also a pragmatist. We decided to skip the big wedding and promised ourselves a blowout party if we made it to 20 years. We’re at 15 and holding strong.

Over these 15 years of marriage, and more than 25 years as a therapist, I’ve come to deeply respect the brilliance of Mother Nature. When we “hit it off” with someone and fall in love, we’re usually operating in a state called limerence. I affectionately refer to this as the carnival-and-cotton-candy phase, when your partner can do no wrong, your brain is bathed in feel-good chemicals, and life feels sparkly.

It’s euphoric. Enthusiastic. Slightly intoxicating.

Without this drug-like state, the human race would probably stop reproducing. Nature knew what she was doing.

But if you stay together long enough, limerence ends. Trust me: It ends. And if it doesn’t end on its own, add a couple of kids and a shared mortgage and wave goodbye to Mr. Limerence entirely.

In the early days of dating the man who........

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