Many myths about executive function may be harmful to your growth.

Executive function and morality are not tied together, although society may connect the two.

Skills like time management are reflective of effective strategies but not necessarily effort.

Executive function grows best when we let go of the myths surrounding it.

Somewhere, deep down, I know my level-eight reaction is a mismatch to the level-three problem: I’ve fallen behind on emails, and now I seem like a total flake. My inner voice chides me, “You’re an executive function expert, for goodness sake. You can’t make mistakes like these!” I time-travel in my head, forecasting that all of the families I work with will turn on me, my family will be shamed, and I will be seen as an irresponsible fraud.

Never mind that I’ve fallen behind because I just moved. My brain has soaked up the messaging that conflated my executive function with my character, and as such, I worry that any executive function struggle reflects poor morality. The tangling of who we are with our executive function is just one of the many myths that permeate our thinking and, unfortunately, really set us back. It’s time to dispel the executive function falsehoods:

Being late means you don’t care

We all have that friend who will be late to their own funeral. For a while, I was that friend: rushing, hustling, and always feeling like a letdown. I had more than a few people tell me how frustrating my tardiness was, asking if I genuinely cared about them or the activity for which we were meeting. If they only knew how much I cared and how, every time, I would think things would be different. I’d think I would be on time, maybe even early, only to find that I had misestimated the time I needed to get ready or got stuck in (admittedly predictable) traffic.

While I’m pleased to have strategies that help me show up consistently on time now, I also have a lot of compassion for my younger self. Being late never meant I didn’t care. It meant that I needed to improve in the time management skill set of executive function.

Trying harder will solve your executive function struggles

Every one of the people I coach has heard they need to “just try harder,” “study harder,” “work harder,” or any other combo of skill plus the assumption of low effort. Executive functions are not improved with more effort, and struggles do not reflect a lack of effort. Instead, executive functions improve with strategies, reflection, practice, and self-awareness, a slow but steady progression of small wins and the courage to stick with yourself through challenges.

Executive functions are often brain-based, meaning they are impacted by our neurology and vary across the day and different contexts. What takes little energy when you’re well rested, interested, and satiated may feel nearly impossible when your brain is distracted and exhausted. You may end up giving more effort to your executive function in tough moments, but have less to “show” for it. Executive function struggles are not related to how hard you try.

If you’re smart enough, you’ll have good executive function

It’s a frustratingly common misconception that being intelligent means you won’t struggle with executive function. In fact, teachers still share with me that they question whether students with executive function needs belong in advanced or gifted programs. Intelligence and executive function are entirely separate. In fact, a study in Nature found that the rate of thickening of the cerebral cortex is associated with both executive function and IQ, but not how you might think. The study found that the longer the child’s cortex is thinner, the more likely they are to have both a high IQ and slower executive function development, since executive function skills rely on cortical thickening. In short, struggling with executive function does not indicate that you’re not intelligent.

Taking initiative only takes willpower

“Just do it” might be a catchy slogan, but that line of thinking often isn’t helpful where executive function is concerned. Many people who struggle to initiate a task will share that they are both highly motivated and know what to do, but it’s the crossing of the bridge between intention and action that is so challenging. Getting started on a task relies on executive function to plan, prioritize, manage attention, chunk the task into steps, and more. Having a tough time getting going doesn’t mean you’re lacking willpower, but likely reflects an executive function challenge that can be matched with a strategy.

Dispelling harmful misunderstandings matters. It helps us release some of the shame and guilt that occurs when we tie executive function struggles to morality. When we embrace that it is a wonderfully human thing to have executive function needs, we are able to normalize needing strategies and support. And that, my friends, will make us unstoppable.

Shaw, P., Greenstein, D., Lerch, J. et al. Intellectual ability and cortical development in children and adolescents. Nature 440, 676–679 (2006). https://doi.org/10.1038/nature04513

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