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The relationship with a surrogate begins before pregnancy; preparing for the journey you will share.

Choosing a surrogate begins with understanding your own emotional readiness and expectations.

Compatibility is less about similarity and more about trust, communication, and shared expectations.

I've come to think of choosing a surrogate as a series of stages, with each one building upon the last, gradually moving you from loss toward hope, and from searching for the "perfect match" to building the right relationship.

Often there is an outward focus on finding the "right" woman, but with that focus, some important preparatory steps can be missed. In reality, the journey begins by looking inward.

Before all the logistical steps and assessments, it's worth considering your own level of readiness. Not that anyone can be completely ready for something they have never done before, but certain questions are useful to consider:

Have I taken time to grieve what brought me here?

Have I begun to shift from surviving infertility to preparing for parenthood?

Am I emotionally ready to enter a relationship that requires trust, vulnerability, and shared uncertainty?

A lot of patience and discipline is required to not rush through these questions while you're dealing with a lot of tiredness — the tiredness of repeated medical interventions, the waiting, the hoping, and the loss. The thought of finally moving forward towards a different ending can offer much-needed relief.

But its worth slowing down, as this person will carry your baby and has the potential to form one of the most unique and meaningful relationships of your lives.

Stage One: Making Space for Grief

Almost nobody arrives at surrogacy because it was their first choice.

Surrogacy is usually reached after multiple rounds of failed IVF,........

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