Why Relationships Matter

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The mother figures we experience in addition to our biological moms have a special role to play.

Don't overlook the importance of any "bonus" moms you may have.

No mother can be everything to her child, and chosen moms can offer enrichment or help heal or fill gaps.

Even as a self-proclaimed Mama's Boy, I realize that no matter how much love we share with our mothers, we can also share it with others. Your mother isn't perfect; she doesn't have to be the person solely responsible for your well-being. There are often mother figures in your life who can, and do, fill in the gaps. For people who struggle with relationships with their biological mothers, a second mom may be the ideal mom—the one who makes you feel more special, who gives you recognition.

I know about this from my practice. Harry, a gay man, had a conflicted relationship with his mother while growing up; he needed more support from her than she was able to give him. Fortunately, Harry also had an aunt who, while not fulfilling all of a mother's roles in his life, did give him a perspective of his family that helped him understand the nuances that were difficult and troubling for him, and validated his reality as he grew up. He learned to trust his take on things, based on what they shared.

I'm the executive director of Gay Sons and Mothers, so I hear a lot of stories like Harry's. I'm also a couples........

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