I was working with a client who was in a tough situation. They had made a big move for a new job and now were starting to feel like maybe it was a mistake. Things weren’t going as well as they had hoped, possible red flags were starting to pop up, and the client had an unpleasant feeling in their gut when they thought about continuing down this path. I went over the pros and cons with them, examined their feelings both before and after this decision, and it was clear that, although the decision itself was made thoughtfully, the results had not turned out the way this client had hoped.

“Oh well, I guess I just have to play the cards I’m dealt,” the client sighed. This got me thinking, both as a therapist and a poker player. There’s a sense that, in life, the idea of "playing the cards you’re dealt" is positive, even heroic. The point of this saying seems to be that life can be hard, and when things get hard, you just have to deal with it — the whole "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" approach. But considering this concept from the point of view of a poker player reveals a different way of thinking about it.

It’s interesting that the phrase "playing the cards you’re dealt" comes from poker, because in life that phrase seems to imply that you’re stuck with this hand, when in poker you........

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