Readers receive an understanding about how they make their decisions stressful.

The information was gathered from the clinical work with hundreds of clients.

Reader gain the perspective that the outcome of a decision is not as important as how we treat ouirselves.

Readers are encouraged to accept that any decision involves unconscious bias and insufficient information.

Most of us don’t learn how to make decisions without the accompanying stress and pressure, and we likely didn't have models of that. The stress and pressure reflect our investment in our decision, being only about what we intend, which would call for divine intervention. Our decision-making is always guided by unconscious biases and insufficient information. We can be haunted by the voice of early authority figures insisting upon the rightness of our decisions. When that happens, the ego can fall into a compensatory pattern, insisting on a guarantee of making the right decision.

Bringing Ease to Our Decisions

We won’t always be able to make decisions stress-free. We can make our decisions considerably easier.

Clarify the options. Identify what makes one option more appealing than others. Decide if your favored alternative may have foreseeable consequences that you believe you are not prepared to handle. Either decide you can summon external resources to help you or reconsider your options.

Identify what you want and value. Desire can be more easily identified than values. What is truly important to you regarding this decision, or what value is driving the decision? Do you have something to prove? Is there a particular way you want to be perceived by others? Is money an issue? Will you be able to support housing and food security?

Clarify resources. Identify the strengths you possess in order to make this decision happen, as well as people who can support you along the way.

"Make the decision right.” An old mentor of mine was sensitive to the predicament of getting caught in assuring ourselves we’re making the right decision. His encouragement was, “Make the decision and then make it right.” I understand his heartening to mean to ruminate too long on the upcoming decision. Make the decision, then make it right by asking what the decision now requires. If you need help, ask for it.

Make the promise. Promise yourself that regardless of the decision’s outcome, you will not turn against yourself. You will not spend time degrading yourself or accusing yourself of poor judgment. Remain close to the question “What is this outcome asking of me?” It may be asking you to forgive yourself.

"More will be revealed.” Make your decision with the faith that more information and understanding of the decision and its implementation will happen.

Have a relationship with the outcome. Whether or not a decision yields unfavorable consequences is not the priority. What truly matters is relating to the consequences with curiosity and compassion. We don’t mature by making pristine decisions, where all is well. Maturation happens as we are willing to be accountable for our decisions, compassionate with ourselves, and open to learning. It is important not to let adverse consequences prevent us from taking future risks we deem sound.

Review your decision. Take a retrospective look at your decision. Were your expectations met in the implementation of the decision? Was there anything you overlooked? Would you do anything differently in similar circumstances? What’s the takeaway? Is there someone to thank? And, don’t forget to appreciate yourself.

You Can’t Get Life Right

The business of making the right decisions sits in the shadow of the cultural imperative to get life right. I can’t imagine a worse way to educate young people than telling them they should get life right. What a regrettable way to usher youth into the challenges of real life! We may need to return to the ritual of the mysterium tremendum. This indigenous rite of passage informed youth that life was mysterious, unpredictable, and insecure. And you won’t be getting it right. However, if you’re lucky and you live what you love, devoted to serving, life may get you right.

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