Over time, through experiences, repeated patterns and relationships that never seemed to work, you may have come to recognize something: that you have a type. And more often than not, that type is someone who cannot or will not love you back in the way you expect them to.

It’s easy to believe you’re simply attracted to passion or go all in for the ones you love. The chase, after all, feels familiar. It keeps you engaged, gives you purpose and allows you to imagine that with just enough effort, something will finally click.

But if you pause, upon deeper reflection, you may notice an uncomfortable truth. Sometimes, the pursuit isn’t about love at all. Sometimes, it’s a defense against really being seen or known. Because to be loved fully, reliably and without reserve, can feel more vulnerable than pursuing someone who is always just out of reach.

Below are three signs you might be unconsciously resisting the very love you say you want.

People are not always drawn to what’s emotionally safe, but rather to what they deem emotionally familiar. If someone grew up in an environment where caregiving was inconsistent, connection was conditional, intermittent or unavailable, they start to equate uncertainty with love.

That’s why when your partner pulls away, you cling harder; when they go silent, you grow anxious and double your efforts at communication or when they give you crumbs of affection, it feels like “something real.”

This is not a conscious choice. It’s a subconscious

© Psychology Today