When people are asked what they think makes someone attractive in a relationship, the response is usually the same laundry list of warmth, generosity, flexibility, and, often, agreeableness. But the truth is, almost nothing commands more respect, or deepens desire, than a well-placed “no.”

In theory, this notion might sound counterintuitive. After all, we are often taught to be agreeable, accommodating, and somewhat low-maintenance for our loved ones. However, the truth is that in any long-term romantic relationship, partners who can’t say “no” often end up feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated and strangely disconnected from the very person they’re trying so hard to please. Moreover, such instances of self-abandonment accumulate over time and usually result in unpredictable emotional outbursts.

Meanwhile, the partners who can say "no" kindly, clearly and without harboring any hostility remain grounded. And that very groundedness is what makes them magnetic.

Exhibiting the ability to say “no” without guilt, panic, or the imposed pressure of overexplaining is a way of communicating secure attachment. A

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