Greater emotional closeness can coexist with reduced intimacy when routines crowd out novelty.

Growth apart and together can rekindle attraction by helping partners see each other anew.

Avoiding conflict to preserve intimacy can worsen relationship problems rather than protect closeness.

Many couples come to therapy worried about having gotten “too close for comfort.” They might express their concern by saying things like:

“I’m just not as excited to come home from work anymore. We love each other, but we live the exact same day over and over again.”

“We used to have so much fun together, but we’re both so tired now that we just stay at home.”

“Our sex life has really changed over the years; I can’t remember the last time we really enjoyed ourselves.”

These statements are reminiscent of the “intimacy paradox,” whereby increased closeness in a relationship coexists with a lack of intimacy. As couples become more emotionally connected, they often settle into repetitive routines, inadvertently creating boredom or reduced intimacy.

It is important to acknowledge these lulls in a relationship. Marital boredom has been linked to lower levels of relationship satisfaction, and a 2023 study found that it can lead to an increase in frustration, negative exchanges, diminished mood, and impaired judgment. It may also have repercussions for individual and relational well-being by eroding intimacy and commitment and raising the likelihood of infidelity and divorce.

To successfully navigate the “intimacy paradox” of marital boredom,........

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