We are conditioned to think that strong relationships mean deep conversations, perfect alignment in values, non-stop meaningful experiences, and acing all compatibility tests that claim to predict love beyond the shadow of a doubt. These factors, of course, matter in the grand scheme of things. But most research about relationships points to something much simpler and more comforting than that: connection is not made in the big moments.

Picture your partner going silent for days on end, with no explanation whatsoever, only to resurface with a big flower bouquet as though nothing ever happened between the two of you. Despite the grandness behind the gesture, the image doesn’t necessarily bring up warm, fuzzy feelings. That’s because deeper bonds are made in the small moments, and most of the time they’re so subtle that we don’t even realize how significantly they shape our relationships.

These micro-moments don’t require heavy emotional labor or rigorous planning. Instead, all they require is your willingness to commit. Unwavering presence, as it turns out, is the underrated engine of intimacy.

People often overlook how frequently they engage in behaviors that, intentionally or not, monitor a partner’s emotional state. A glance, a subtle shift in tone to signal attention, or a routine “text me when you get home safe” are all micro-attunements. Essentially,​‍​‌‍​‍‌​‍​‌‍​‍‌ these are automatic actions through which people observe and respond to the changes based on another person’s external cues.

New research provides a biological explanation........

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