Modern society has idealized the concept of marriage to the point where many people enter it with rose-colored glasses. The reality, however, is that it isn’t always a seamless, harmonious passage.

Marriage is beautiful, yes, but it’s also rife with complications. For those who aren’t therapists or counselors, the classic conflicts that arise—often sooner than later—can feel like an unwelcome surprise. And, if you’re unprepared, these challenges can be just as jarring years down the line.

To truly thrive in your relationship, you need to accept two key marriage realities first. Once you embrace them, you’ll find yourself better equipped to handle the inevitable ebbs and flows—and to take them in stride.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman emphasize the importance of incorporating the “5:1 ratio” into a marriage. Specifically, their ratio theory suggests that for every negative interaction a couple has, there should be at least five positive interactions to buffer these effects.

In fact, John Gottman’s 1994 book on marital processes and outcomes included a study that confirmed this. No matter the nature of a negative interaction, the relationship will remain stable so long as the ratio stays at 5:1. But, if the ratio drops to under 1:1—specifically, anywhere below 0.8:1—the partnership is at risk of instability.

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