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The film 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' illustrates the difference between recognition and regulation.

Knowing the difference between recognition and regulation can help us navigate our relationships.

Studies show that relational recognition helps to regulate our nervous systems and improves our mental health.

“Just tell me what to do,” Linda (played by Rose Byrne) says to her therapist (played by Conan O’Brien). Linda’s voice shakes with exhaustion—as it does throughout the Oscar-nominated film, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.“I don’t think you want me to tell you what to do,” her therapist replies, also exasperated. His tone suggests he’s irritated that she even asked.

Linda is also a therapist. And the parent of a young child who has complicated medical needs.

In addition, Linda’s husband and co-parent is away for work, leaving her to care for their daughter alone. In addition, Linda is caring for her clients, which includes a new mom who’s also overwhelmed by parenting (going so far as to bring her infant to work, burdening Linda to look after them both).

The only support Linda receives for her clinical work is the weekly hour she gets with her own therapist, who couldn’t seem to care less.

Oh. And the ceiling in her bedroom has collapsed, forcing Linda and her daughter to temporarily live in a motel while their home is repaired.

“Tonight I want you to get a good night’s sleep,” her therapist says, after Linda runs through the exhaustive list of responsibilities she is struggling (and failing) to keep up with. O’Brien delivers this line like he’s given her this instruction a million times before, and he’s over it.

“he’she’sO’Brien”night’s“couldn’twho’sLinda’she’s”don’t“I’dLinda’sO’Brien”“So would I!” Linda fires back, “But I’m asking you a thing. An actual thing!”

Byrne’s desperation as Linda burns hotter. And as she continues to plead for her therapist’s recognition of her dilemma—including the impossible expectations other people are putting on her as a mother—O’Brien doubles down like a burned-out parent whose rebellious child refuses to just keep quiet and go to........

© Psychology Today