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The Exit Nobody Plans For

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yesterday

The phone still rings for a while.

Then it rings a little less. Then you notice you are checking it differently than before. Then one morning, you realize the version of yourself everyone called, consulted, deferred to, and needed is no longer on the other end of the line. And nobody prepared you for that. Not even close.

This is not a post about retirement, a word the people it concerns would bristle at.

What happens to people who spent decades being indispensable when that indispensability ends? The surgeon who was medicine. The lawyer who was the case. The executive who was the organization. For decades, the work was not what they did; it was who they were.

Stripping that away is not a career transition but an identity crisis, and the data suggest it is far more common than anyone acknowledges.

When the Indispensable Becomes Invisible

I have spent more than four decades working alongside people at the top of their fields, as an executive coach, researcher, and someone who has been in this territory himself. I have watched brilliant, capable people leave roles they built their lives around, only to unravel through a slow erosion of purpose, a growing restlessness, and a sense that relevance is leaking away, and no amount of busyness can stop it.

Most of them would tell you they are fine. They are not fine. They are in transition, which is different.

A 2022 Edward Jones survey found that 61 percent of adults in their first two years of retirement are still interested in working. These are not people who need the money. They need something money never gave them, and they cannot quite name it.

Change Is Not Transition

Author and consultant Bill Bridges drew a distinction that matters here: Change is external. The job ends, the role concludes, the calendar........

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