Achieving societal milestones often doesn't increase self-worth due to the "arrival fallacy."

Our self-esteem is shaped more by memories than by present achievements or status.

Memories can be changed each time we recall them, helping reshape self-esteem.

Societal scripts try to convince us that if we achieve [fill in the blank], we’ll finally feel worthy: If we get married, or promoted, or lose weight. Yet, those who achieve these societal trophies often only feel worse. There’s even a scientific term for this dynamic: the arrival fallacy. Dr. Ben Shaar, who created the term, described how people feel when they achieve big goals, “This time, they’re unhappy, but more than that they’re unhappy without hope. Because before they lived under the illusion—well, the false hope—that once they make it, then they’ll be happy.”

Yet, if doing exactly what society tells us won’t make us feel whole, then what will?

The key is that we must stop trying to change our present and start trying to........

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