“We all have core values whether we’re aware of them or not,” write Lisa Congdon and Andreea Niculescu in the booklet accompanying The Live Your Values Deck. “They’re the values that remain with us for most of our lives.”

Research tells us that when we live a life guided by an awareness of what matters most to us, the authors note, we exhibit lower stress, better attention to our health, decision-making, problem solving as well as enhanced persistence.1 In my book Overcoming Passive Aggression, about hidden anger, better health, and happiness, my co-author and I advise: “Operate within your values, recognizing that no one makes you do or say anything. Your behavior is your choice.”2

We may not think of this topic often, yet when celebrities fall from grace, people stun us with their actions, as well as in a year we exercise our right to vote, values get called into play.

One of the reasons people seek individual therapy or pastoral counseling is to discern a direction, make a decision, or weigh the benefits or risks of certain choices. For couples, especially those who come from two different family value systems, it can be especially hard.

Values represent beliefs, ethics, priorities, and worldviews. Like feelings, they merely exist and ought not to be overanalyzed except to yield better understanding. To use a nautical metaphor, values are the beacons sent from a lighthouse that show us the way. Principles, a close cousin of values, describe rules, standards, and certain truths. Both principles and values direct us and guide........

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