The Challenges of Infidelity

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Financial issues are at the heart of many marital problems I see in my legal practice.

Financial infidelity occurs when one partner intentionally conceals financial information from the other.

In financial abuse, the primary goal is control and gaining, and keeping, power.

Whether the issue is financial infidelity or financial abuse, ignoring it rarely makes it disappear.

As is well known, money is one of the leading sources of conflict in couples, and it is true in my practice as a family law attorney.

The issues can range from what the family chooses to spend money on, to how much they are saving, to more granular issues like whether they should send their children to private school or how to pay for college and retirement.

But these are fairly typical discussions, and those I would encourage every couple to talk about openly, honestly, and often. But not every financial discussion is the same.

There are two terms that come up in my practice that are presumed to be interchangeable but actually are not: “financial infidelity” and “financial abuse.”

Knowing the difference is important. One primarily involves secrecy, which can lead to broken trust, while the other involves an attempt to gain power and control.

As a divorce attorney, I have seen both. Sometimes a spouse hides a credit card, secretly accumulates debt, or makes secret purchases. The motive in these cases might be embarrassment or fear of conflict. That’s what I would characterize as “financial........

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