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Not all children have traditional families. They may be living with loss or a different dynamic.

Father-Daughter, Mother-Son, and Grandparent-Grandchild events are painful for some students.

Role-specific arts, crafts, and dances can be exclusionary even though there are good intentions behind them.

Schools need to rethink outdated traditions in favor of those honoring all families.

Imagine being a young child sitting at your desk in school while your teacher hands out pink construction paper, glue sticks, and lace-trimmed hearts. “Today we’re making Mother’s Day cards,” she says, smiling.

Around you, your classmates immediately begin talking about what they are going to write. One student mentions his mom loves tulips. Another says her mom is the best and tucks her in every night. Everyone seems excited, except you.

Instead, you stare at the supplies in front of you, blinking back tears because your mom isn’t alive.

You want to make her the most beautiful card that exists. In fact, you would do anything to give her that card. But she will not be coming back. She became very sick the year before and, despite fighting hard, she didn’t survive. So you sit quietly, not knowing what to do, just waiting for the craft activity to end.

Inflicting Unintentional Harm

The experience described above happens again and again to young students. While events such as “Mother’s Day Crafts,” “Daddy and Daughter Dances,” and “Grandparents’ Breakfasts” are often planned with good intentions, they can unintentionally leave some children feeling invisible and serve as another painful reminder that their lives have changed forever.

Source: Julia Kadel/Unsplash

Isn’t it time for school districts to reconsider these traditions?

The Reality of Diverse Family Structures

Schools want to celebrate families and strengthen the connection between home and school. Yet it is difficult to understand why these traditional events remain so deeply woven into the fabric of many elementary schools.

How can these traditions continue when we know that life can be cruel for some children and that these bonding activities can exclude many students whose family situations do not fit traditional categories?

Not only are young children who have experienced loss painfully enduring classmates’ excitement about parent-child events or crafts, but so are students whose families simply do not fit the traditional definition of “family.” Some children are raised by siblings, single parents, extended relatives, or family friends. Others may have lost their connection to a parent because of incarceration, addiction, deportation, or abandonment. And some students simply do not have a relationship with one or both parents.

The Emotional Impact on Students

When schools organize events around specific family roles such as “mom,” “dad,” or “grandparent,” these differences can serve as painful reminders for students impacted by loss.

What is meant to be a joyful activity can instead highlight the absence of someone important in a child’s life. Even simple assignments, such as writing about why their mother or father is special, can create feelings of grief, isolation, or awkwardness for students whose family stories aren’t recognized.

While some districts allow students to bring a replacement guest to events, not all do. Announcements about dances or meals are shared with students and information is sent home, often with the title of the event prominently displayed.

Imagine being a child who receives a take-home invitation with “Father and Daughter Dance” or “Mother and Son Breakfast” printed across the top in vivid, colorful letters, knowing you have no one to bring and no easy way to explain why, especially as a young child who might struggle to put it into words. These situations are rarely intentional, but they still affect students in meaningful ways.

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Rethinking School Traditions

Schools can still celebrate families while being more inclusive and without causing pain. Instead of hosting events that focus on specific roles like mother and son or daddy and daughter, schools could organize family-and-special-friends nights, caregiver appreciation events, or bring-a-special-person days. These types of events allow students to invite anyone who plays an important role in their lives. Sure, some schools already do a variation of this, but the special person is seemingly an add-on if a child doesn't have a father or mother who can attend.

Similarly, classroom projects could shift from Mother’s Day or Father’s Day crafts to activities that celebrate someone important to the student, whether that person is a parent, guardian, sibling, neighbor, or mentor. Outdated traditions can be replaced with something welcoming for all types of households.

Heart Made of StarsSource: CrowN/Unsplash

Creating Classrooms Where Every Child Belongs

Family involvement is important in education, and celebrating the people who support students is valuable. The key is ensuring that these celebrations include everyone.

When schools design events with empathy and awareness of different family experiences, they create environments where students feel respected and understood. By rethinking some traditional activities, educators can ensure that celebrations remain joyful for all children, not just those whose families fit a particular mold.

Ultimately, schools should be places where every child feels seen, supported, and included. Traditions that unintentionally highlight absence or loss deserve thoughtful reconsideration. As educators, we have a responsibility not only to teach academic content but also to create spaces in which all students feel they belong. By replacing outdated, role-specific celebrations with inclusive events that honor the many forms families take, schools can ensure that no child is quietly sitting at their desk wondering how to participate. Small changes can send a powerful message that every child’s story matters.

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