Many of us learned to “fix” others as a way to try to stay safe in an environment where adults were unsafe.

The desire to try to fix the people you love may come from childhood wounds.

Developing healthier boundaries, not rescuing, can create healthier relationships.

As children, we quickly sensed that keeping the peace was important to our safety. We learned that anticipating the moods or desires of those in power or making sure to take care of everyone else’s feelings could prevent conflict or abandonment. We became the helpers, the mediators, the “mature ones.”

But this was often a form of survival. Over time, this role followed us into adulthood, shaping our relationships. Many survivors of traumatic or abusive environments carry this pattern into their adult relationships, trying to fix their partners as an unconscious attempt to heal the wounds left by unsafe caregivers from the past. We believed that if we could manage everyone else’s pain, we might finally earn stability or protection from our caregivers. These strategies helped us survive childhood. But in adulthood, they can quietly turn into over-giving, which turns into blurred boundaries.

Boundaries Mean........

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