Why Relationships Matter

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When abuse is normalized in childhood, harmful behavior can feel familiar, predictable, and even safe.

Survivors may excuse abuse via coping mechanisms such as denial and intellectualization.

Childhood abuse can lead to unhealthy relationships later in life because red flags are harder to recognize.

Roberta came to me after surviving domestic violence that had been escalating during her divorce. For months, she lived in fear, constantly on edge as her ex-partner used legal abuse tactics to maintain control. He was coming after her job, filing for custody of her children, and making false reports to child protection—all in an attempt to retaliate for her leaving the relationship.

In our early sessions, we focused on helping her and her children find safety, both internally and externally. She blamed herself often: “I thought that leaving would protect me and my kids from this, but it isn’t stopping!” She also occasionally rationalized and excused her ex’s behavior. “I saw red flags in the beginning, but I always excused them. I saw him treat others this way, but never thought he would do it to me, too.”

With time and support, Roberta began to feel emotionally safer, which allowed us to explore deeper patterns, including the self-blame and shame that had followed her into adulthood. It became clear that........

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