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Terminal uniqueness is the belief that our trauma is so profound that nobody else understands us.

Part of healing is also about seeking connection with people who truly get it.

For many survivors, this process involves identifying and building what we often call a "chosen family."

Many trauma survivors experience what therapists call terminal uniqueness: the belief that our suffering is so profound or unusual that no one else could possibly understand it. This sense of isolation can make it difficult to reach out for support, because we assume others cannot relate to our experiences or that sharing our feelings will only burden them. Even when we encounter people who have gone through similar challenges, it can be hard to believe that their understanding or empathy truly applies to us. Over time, this belief reinforces a sense of isolation, making it feel as though we must carry the weight of our trauma alone.

The Role of Support Systems in Healing

While healing is a deeply personal journey, it’s important to remember that we do not heal in isolation. Trauma, especially when rooted in abuse, neglect, or abandonment, often leaves us feeling disconnected from others. Rebuilding that sense of connection is part of the healing process, and support systems play a vital role in making that possible. Whether it’s through family, friends, therapists, or support groups, having safe and empathetic people around us can offer us validation and remind us of our value and worth as human beings.

For many survivors, especially those who have been rejected by their families, this process involves identifying and building what we often call a "chosen family." Sometimes, members of our biological family are part of this circle—if they are safe and affirming. Other times, we find connection and belonging in entirely new spaces, with friends, partners, mentors, or community members who show up with consistency and compassion. Research supports this as well: Studies show that strong social support significantly aids in trauma recovery1,2.

Support Systems Can Provide Much-Needed Validation

Part of healing is also about seeking connection with people who truly get it. This might be found in group therapy, online communities, or peer support spaces. While one-on-one therapy has been foundational to my own healing, I have also found much-needed validation and understanding in group settings. There is something uniquely powerful about sitting in a room with others who nod in recognition as you say something you once thought was unspeakable. The shame and isolation that trauma thrives on begin to loosen their grip when met with empathy. The simple act of sharing our story and having someone listen—like, really listen—can be healing in itself. It reminds us that we are not alone, and that our experiences, no matter how painful, are real and worthy of being acknowledged.

For many of us, healing is about finding people who reflect back to us that we are worthy, lovable, and not alone. Building a support system may be one of the hardest parts of recovery, especially for those of us who learned early on that people couldn’t be trusted. But it is also one of the most important parts of healing. Because we heal in relationship—just as we were once wounded in relationship—and we all deserve to feel seen, supported, and safe.

Excerpted, in part, from my book The Cycle Breaker's Guide to Healthy Relationships.

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Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.98.2.310

Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: From neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry, 4(5), 35–40.

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