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Historical trauma can shape how LGBTQ partners experience safety and visibility.

Collective trauma can shape how queer partners cope with fear, danger, and survival in relationships.

These different experiences can shape conflict in queer relationships.

Sharon, 62, and Alana, 32, present to therapy describing escalating conflict around political engagement and media consumption in their home. They are in a committed partnership and are parenting two daughters, ages 12 and 6. Both describe their relationship as loving and values-driven, yet say they feel “constantly at odds” about how to respond to the current political climate.

Alana reports feeling deeply compelled to stay informed and involved. Since the racial justice uprisings of recent years, she has attended protests, and closely tracks anti-LGBTQ and anti-Black legislation, and frequently discusses current events at home. She describes her engagement as both moral responsibility and parental duty.

“I don’t want our girls growing up disconnected,” she says. “They need to understand what’s happening and how to fight for themselves.”

Sharon, however, avoids news media and discourages protest participation. She becomes visibly anxious when Alana attends large gatherings and often asks her to stay home or “be careful.” She prefers limiting political conversations around the children and describes the constant news cycle as overwhelming and destabilizing.

“I just want our home to feel safe,” she says. “Not like we’re always bracing for the next threat.”

Alana........

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