The Importance of Forgiveness

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Many survivors of abuse feel pressure to forgive, often before they are ready.

Mourning and grief of what was lost has to come first, or forgiveness can prevent further healing.

Self-forgiveness is a critical first step in recovering from trauma and abuse.

Survivors of domestic abuse are constantly told by society that they must forgive: “It’s for your own good; it will help you move on.” Especially for religious survivors who value the teachings of forgiveness from their place of worship. This can place a lot of weight on their shoulders.

Think about how unfair of a burden this places on the victim.

In my work with survivors of domestic abuse, I notice that many people return to therapy after a few months or even years believing they were OK, thinking that they “forgave” the person who hurt them but arriving at the same pain and grief as before. I believe this is because they never fully allowed themself to acknowledge, mourn, and heal from their grief.

Work on trauma in the mental health community teaches us that mourning needs to happen following trauma—mourning for the loss of love and expectations of a........

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