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Most of our trauma responses are learned strategies that, at one time, helped us deal with stress.

Even when the threat has ended, it can feel easy to fall back into these old responses.

This exercise can help change these behaviors and help replace them with healthier responses.

Cole’s partner came home late again last night without texting. Cole had been waiting up for him for hours, his mind racing with all of the possible scenarios. When his partner finally came home, Cole gave him the silent treatment while secretly seething.

He had reverted to his old pattern of trying to convey his displeasure while also still being scared of being direct about his feelings.

The next day, he felt guilty for having this response, so we explored it in session. "I don't know why I get like this," he said, full of shame.

Stress Can Reactivate Unhealthy Behavioral Responses

It can feel so disappointing when we recognize ourselves falling into old, unhealthy patterns. This can feel so frustrating that it might even trigger a resurgence of shame and self-blame, like Cole.

But please understand, you will repeat old patterns. Everyone does, because healing isn’t linear.........

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