Constant pressure to “do it all” creates chronic stress and emotional overwhelm.

The drive to over-function is linked to increased stress and negative physical health outcomes.

Modern motherhood often requires one person to fulfill roles that historically belonged to a “village.”

Social media, workplace demands, and post-COVID expectations reinforce an unattainable standard.

I am a mom to young children, a fact social media seems well aware of. My feed is a constant flood of ways to structure my child’s wake windows, cook whole-food meals for my picky toddler, and get back in shape post-baby—all while working a full-time job and curating my toddler’s bespoke wooden toy collection. Optimization culture is trashing our mental health, and we need to resist it at all costs.

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

If it were just social media, it would be much easier to swear off, but it is not; it is like the air we breathe. It comes from our employers, our family, and horrible people with podcast equipment—this overwhelming feeling of needing to optimize, to always be doing more. Some of us do very well at this; clients I work with identify themselves as perfectionists. In its most severe form, it is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Many of my clients fit the diagnostic criteria and suffer as a result; others are “over-functioners” fueled by an overwhelming need to please (and probably a gallon of coffee). These women do it all. For those of you who have been forced to watch Bluey by your toddler, it is like a never-ending game of “keepy uppy.” The balloon must........

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