Why Relationships Matter

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A breakup can teach you a lot about the kind of relationship you want and what you don't want.

You may discover that timing can be a major factor in a relationship not working.

Taking responsibility for your part in the breakup can lead to positive changes.

It can feel like a disaster. Devastating. The ultimate heartbreak. The worst thing ever to happen to you. But there may be hidden blessings to a failed relationship that become apparent over time.

With time and perspective, you may realize that there can be an upside to not living happily ever after with a partner you loved, then lost.

You learn about what kind of relationship you want—and what you don’t want. Perhaps you had an attraction to bad boys—men who didn’t conform to what your parents wanted for you, men who were confirmed underachievers, men whose controlling nature you might have once believed was love. Perhaps you gravitated to physically beautiful women, regardless of their character or behavior. One patient described his ex-wife as “gorgeous on the outside but monstrous inside. Three years with her convinced me that I need a partner—a true partner—whose beauty comes from within and who is kind and compassionate." Another client I'll call Pam married her high school sweetheart a week after graduation and then endured twenty years of increasing misery as the man she had thought was so handsome and innately cool turned out to be abusive, entitled and addicted to alcohol and drugs. "I was so young when we married," she told me. "I didn't know life could be any different. I was in denial a lot until we had kids and I realized I didn't want my kids growing up in the chaos of our life together. Now we're divorced and I've met a man who is his total opposite: kind, considerate, an excellent communicator and a hard-working, sober person. I'm taking things slowly in this new relationship but it feels so good and so right."

You learn about what kind of relationship you want—and what you don’t want. Perhaps you had an attraction to bad boys—men who didn’t conform to what your parents wanted for you, men who were confirmed underachievers, men whose controlling nature you might have once believed was love. Perhaps you gravitated to physically beautiful women, regardless of their character or behavior. One patient described his ex-wife as “gorgeous on the outside but monstrous inside. Three years with her convinced me that I need a partner—a true partner—whose beauty comes from within and........

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