Leadership can feel lonely as more people depend on you for answers and stability.

Self-care must be part of how leaders live and lead, not something saved for vacations.

Leaders need people who know them beyond their titles, accomplishments, and responsibilities.

Last week I was in California sitting in a room full of Chief Probation Officers. I had gone there to talk about grief, leadership, and self-care following the sudden death of one of their colleagues. But I didn't start by talking about grief. I asked them to finish one sentence: “You know you're a Chief when…” This allowed them to speak freely, laugh, and share common experiences only they understand. A common theme arose that is worth sharing, which is the higher you move up in leadership, the fewer people you can call on when you are the one who needs help.

I’m currently the first Black Director of Rutgers University Counseling, Alcohol and Other Drug Assistance Program & Psychiatric Services (CAPS). I have a team of almost 60 individuals. Although I try my best to flatten the hierarchy and share leadership, the honest truth is that when things go down, budgets get cut, and tough decisions are made, I need to be the steady force in the organization. As a leader, people become so accustomed to our strength that they forget the strength we display costs us something. Sometimes, we forget too.

The Invisible Weight of Leadership

I told the Chiefs that we spend so much time investing in others that it is time we held up a mirror to ourselves and invested in our own well-being. I was intentional about talking about the invisible weight that comes with being people like us: responsibility, emotional labor, visibility, and isolation.

Responsibility is probably the most obvious. Every day, we are responsible for other people, the functioning of a department or........

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